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Here We Go Again!

Some children are growing up with the wrong values.

I know I have complained about this before but here I go again.

On Wednesday, Kobi and I went to the park since it was such a beautiful day. There was a girl there who was probably about 7 to 8 years old. She will definitely be one of the mean girls in school when she gets older.

At first she yelled at Kobi and then pushed him off a merry-go-round like object. Kobi didn't come running so I figured he was OK.

About a half hour passed, the little girl decided to play tag with Kobi so I figured everything was OK. The girl tagged Kobi and as soon as she did, her mom told her it was time to go. As she walked by me, her response to her daughter was, "I told you never to touch a black child." Really? Does Kobi have cooties or something?

There was a dad there with his two boys and he said, "Really, in today?" I told him this is not the first time we have encountered a parent like that but she was the first one who had the guts to say something as she was passing by me.

I was so busy watching Kobi that it didn't dawn on me right away until she passed me that she was talking about Kobi. My fear is one day somebody is going to say something and I am going to lose my temper.

After they left, the kids proceeded to all play and have a wonderful time.

I just don't get people. There goes another child who may grow up with the wrong values in life!

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Lyle Ruble June 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm
@Jill...You should be lauded for the stand you have taken with trans racial adoption. As proven by your recent experience it's challenging at best. I don't think think that by holding back with a confrontation with the woman racist is setting a good example with Kobi. Part of the problems with raising a child in trans racial homes is that the child probably is not going to be fully accepted in the adopted community culture or in his birth culture. Therefore, he needs to learn to confront racism and non-acceptance behavior whenever it occurs. You as his primary caregiver and mentor must make it clear that it's OK to confront such negative behavior.
Randy1949 June 17, 2012 at 01:44 pm
If anyone has the 'cooties' it's people who think like that. That poor little girl will grow up psychologically and socially crippled because of her mother's ignorance.
We have a trans-racial family too, because of adoption. We sometimes get looks when out walking with our grandchildren, who look like a mini-UN. I just give them a big grin and pass on.
Debbie June 17, 2012 at 06:29 pm
Randy1949 A so glad to know that we are not the only ones havingthis problem. Last time a ady glared at me, I just glared right back and she did not like that. Kobi asked one day wha adoption meant and it floored us because he is only 4 years old.
Debbie June 17, 2012 at 06:36 pm
Lyle: With Kobi just being 4, we just figured he was too young but agai he will larn son enough what prejudice is all about. As his caregiver, we are trying to teach him the right way to treat other people but teaching him the difference beween right and wrong does go alon with how he is being treated byother people. He is such a caring little boy that it will be difficult to explain why people are mean.
Louise June 18, 2012 at 03:18 pm
I hear you! I have had some pretty astonishing experiences with ignorance myself regarding my son with autism. I've had adults literally point and laugh at him in public places (most notably, one mom at Frame Park), so I know how that kind of thing catches you off guard. It is a tricky balance between protecting your child and also being as kind as possible to others.
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 04:04 pm
So sorry Louise that you have thes problems. My siblings and I were bought up to respect children who had difficulties. I remember in high school twin girls who had cerebral palsy and they needed help everyday when school was over to get to their buses. I volunteered immediately to help Tina because I figured it was the right thing to do but it took a while for her sister to find somebody.
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 06:34 pm
Debbie-I hate that this happened, but use times like that as a teaching example. I have had those times too and Elijah has had times where he notices he is the ONLY African American in the room...though he says "There are no brown people here". I just tell him what they boy's "Auntie" tells them...You cut me, I bleed red, you cut you, and you bleed red....we all bleed red".
I also always tell Elijah that he has beautiful brown skin. So much that he tells me in a disgusted way "Mommy, you have white skin" like it is gross. LOL. Oh well. Adults that act like this are outright ignorant. You have to feel sorry for them in a way.
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 06:52 pm
I just wish I had the guts to yell and scream at people when they do things like this but I was brought up Catholic and taught to walk away but one day somebody might get me when I am in a bad mood and look out. :-)
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 07:07 pm
Yelling and screming would just let Kobi know more that they said mean things about him. If I feel i need to say something I just look people in the eyes, give them that "mom look" and say, "NOT OK!" or "that was ignorant!"
Get your point across that you heard it, and let the child know not to put your head down and be ashamed, but handle it with your morals in tact because we are above that. It takes a lot to get you to a point of being too angry, and I pity whoever does.
Bren June 18, 2012 at 07:18 pm
I remember some years back bringing a former colleague and her children of mixed race to one of my favorite restaurants. I was astonished how differently I was treated from my guests. At one point I remember experiencing that "eyes boring into the back of my head" feeling, turning, and seeing several restaurant employees/management glaring at the children. I didn't appreciate being pandered to while my guests were treated like Walmart employees. Not surprisingly, that was the last time I dined there.
Some people only feel strong when they put someone else down.
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 07:48 pm
It just amazes me Bren at how ignorant people are. I am proud that I can hold my head up and say that my husband and I have raised both of our children right and they will always have good family values.
mau June 18, 2012 at 08:03 pm
Who on here is not guilty, at some point in their lives, of name-calling and hurting other people's feelings. I was a child growing up who always heard the refrain "fatty fatty two by four....". I know these same people as adults who now profess to be so open-minded and tsk tsk when others judge people. I was lucky to have a mother who kissed my tears away.
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 08:06 pm
Are you saying it is ok then because it happened to you? Now, that was a child calling you that. This is an adult!
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 08:07 pm
So glad you had a mom wo could make i better for you.
Randy1949 June 18, 2012 at 08:08 pm
Well, disparaging a person, especially a child, for their race is simply unacceptable.
The greatest gift a parent can give a child is to tell them they're wonderful the way they are and not to listen to anyone who says otherwise.
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 08:09 pm
Amen Randy! I think I have kind of created a monster with mine with that because he thinks he is God's Gift to the world sometimes! LOL
Greg June 18, 2012 at 08:12 pm
It's not OK just because it happened to you, but this kind of judgement "She will definitely be one of the mean girls in school when she gets older." is not a great example either.
Lyle Ruble June 18, 2012 at 08:14 pm
@mau...All negative comments hurt. No one is discounting that fact. However, children of color who are being raised in families that don't share the same racial or cultural characteristics of the family are particular vulnerable to the negativity of public reaction. Parents in these families are challenged to be able to do the right things to mitigate such hurt. For parents who take on such challenges it requires continuing training and committment. For a good share of these families the child is coming from an environment where their parent's rights were terminated making the child eligible for adoption. Not only is racial and cultural differences challenging, but the child's previous experiences may also be equally challenging.
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 08:23 pm
You are so right Randy!
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 08:32 pm
Good point Greg but not the same thing. I just thought it to myself when all of this was going on and I did not repeat it to my son unlike the girl's mom who told her daughter straight out not touch a black child.
Greg June 18, 2012 at 08:36 pm
Not the same thing, I agree. “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Randy1949 June 18, 2012 at 08:42 pm
Well, he IS God's gift to you, isn't he? :)
Steve ® June 18, 2012 at 08:52 pm
Maybe you herd it wrong. Maybe she said "I told you never to touch the back of a child."
Nuitari June 18, 2012 at 08:57 pm
Probably.
Debbie Maley June 18, 2012 at 08:57 pm
Sorry Steve, I heard her right and so did the gentleman who was there with his 2 sons. We were both shocked.
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 09:12 pm
Why would someone say don't touch the back of a child? I know for a fact I have never told my kid not to touch someone's back.
Yes Randy..he is God's gift to me. Debbie's son is too. I love him to death as well. Our boys were adopted 1 month apart, and are almost exactly 1 year apart.
Alfred Kell June 18, 2012 at 09:16 pm
This is such nonsense and lies. These two broads Maley and Probst are making stuff up, who knows, maybe to qualify for a victim. Nonsense, don't respond to them, they are obviously nuts.
Randy1949 June 18, 2012 at 09:20 pm
Alfred, you are the biggest jerk I have met on the Patch, and that includes AWD. Congratulations.
Melissa P. June 18, 2012 at 09:22 pm
Call me a Broad again Alfred. See what happens.
Come live my life for one day. Come walk in my shoes. Get off your butt and do something better for this world. Oh no, you are too busy being a jerk.
James R Hoffa June 18, 2012 at 09:31 pm
@Melissa P. -
She may have been aphephobic or mysophobic. Personally, I'm aphephobic unless I know the person really well.
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Kathy123 June 19, 2013 at 11:39 pm
too bad they could not do more of the trees, while those 125 get treated many are not and it stillRead More spreads